Op-Ed: 1+1+1=?

Dear Editor,

My name is Liam Long and I’m a nine-year-old third-grader at Captain America’s School for the Awesome. I was in the attack force that invaded the Temple this summer because, a few weeks before that, I was a fifty-nine-year-old man and a part of the Fairly Elected Assembly of Leaders. Then Two Men And Their Dog was picked to fill the two empty chairs on the Assembly of Chosen.

Local troublemaker(s) have found themselves in a seat of power. But just how MANY seats of power? | Photo credit

Okay, so here is my question. How many chairs does Two Men And Their Dog take up? In the nine or fifty-nine years I’ve been alive, they have always been just “Two Men and Their Dog.” The way my Mom and Dad talk about them, and everyone else in town, makes it sound like they are one person. It’s always Two Men And Their Dog and I don’t think they are anything else.

I’m not being mean to them, I’m just confused and want someone to explain it to me like I’m five. Do they take up one chair? Can I fill the missing chair then? Or, do they take up two chairs because they are Two Men? Does that mean they fill up all of the empty chairs on the Assembly, and if so, how come you still don’t have anybody representing FEALs?

OK, but I still have more questions. Their Dog talks and goes to the town meetings too. There was that one time they froze the Dog, so I know you can remove the Dog from the Two Men. So do Two Men And Their Dog really take up three chairs? Can I be on the committee too if we are just adding chairs now? Please let me know before I get too much homework at school.

Awesomely Yours,
Liam Long (a.k.a Lieutenant Lava)


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