Op-Ed: The Sobby Story of Sobby Raint-John – Part II

Hello Fauxhasset,

After my last letter to the editor, I’m told I kind of worried some of you. I’m sorry; I was just so overwhelmed at the time. Truthfully, I still am, but I’m getting a handle on all of Devan Branch’s past part time jobs. I thought it could be fun to write about my various jobs now and then to keep you all from worrying. So let’s talk about how I’m a pirate now, because that’s a thing.

This message in a bottle was found by a member of the underwater yoga class. But in some ways, the bottle WAS the message. It says: STOP THROWING YOUR TRASH IN THE OCEAN. | Photo credit

When Devan gave me his list of part time jobs, it pretty much just told me where I had to go for each one. No instructions or advice, just “go here.” So I was pretty skeptical when I got to pirate. Literally, it just said, “the ocean” and that was it. I thought it was a joke but Devan included a small footnote which said: “Not a joke.”

Having no boat or no nautical training, I knew this was going to be slightly tricky. Hours later, I stole (commandeered?) someone’s boat from the Fauxhasset Sailing Club and was quoting every cliche pirate phrase I could remember as I drifted further and further out of the harbor. (To the person whose boat I stole: I’m sorry. I’ll bring it back when I finish. (And if I don’t sink.))

Since setting out on my voyage, I’ve really questioned the need for a part-time pirate in Fauxhasset. I figure, once I know the answer then it will be time for me to move onto my next job. On the plus side, being out in ocean kept me from getting old when the timeraptor visited town. So that’s cool. Alright, this is getting long so I’ll wrap it up. I need to shiver my timbers or something like that.



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