Fauxhasset Paroder Op-Ed: Give ϨΔиϮα a chance

Dear Editor,

We know we can be difficult sometimes. Often our actions (though well-intentioned) are misinterpreted. For the record, We love Fauxhasset and its people. However, We don’t always love what some of you do and say. Now is one of those times.

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Local troublemakers Two Men and Their Dog [Photo credit]

“The Alien Santa.” That’s what you’ve all been calling him since he landed. There are so many ways that We can tell you that this is just wrong. He may look like our Santa and come from outer space but calling him that is just disrespectful. It would be like if someone called you “The Earth Human” all the time and never used your real name. He has a name. It’s ϨΔиϮα.

Instead of treating him like a resident of this fine town or even a respected visitor, you avoid and distance yourself from him. Is it any wonder why he doesn’t know the workings of Fauxhaset or even Human life? How can he possibly feel welcome if none of you will explain anything to him?

So what if he shops at both grocery stores in town? Maybe we all should. Heaven knows Gnaw’s has the best prepared sushi in town, and We’ve heard Cop & GOP has amazing prices on dog food. It sounds to Us like he’s the smartest one here! Why can’t you all just let him build his house in peace? We’re sure it’s going to be nothing but lovely.

Fauxhasset is a great town and so are its people most of the time. It’s because We love you all that We try so hard to make Fauxhasset that much better. So the next time you see ϨΔиϮα doing something odd, take five minutes to give him a hand and get to know him. He might just surprise you.

Two Men and Their Dog

 

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