By Sobby Raint-John
Fauxhasset Paroder Crime Correspondent
The police responded to a call in the Shallows this morning, taking Two Men and Their Dog into custody. The trio, dressed in robes and glittery cardboard crowns, was accused of trespassing and attempted kidnapping of a couple’s newborn daughter.
According to a neighbor watching from their window, the trio left a basket of toys on the doorstep and was leaving the scene when the concerned parents, Kolly and Kelly Kobb, confronted them. The parents reportedly insisted that the men take back the toys. When the men would not, the conflict escalated and the neighbor called police.
“It was the craziest thing,” the neighbor told the Paroder. “The men just kept apologizing for being late and saying that the GPS was using too much data. The weird part is I don’t think the McIntires knew them at all.”
While evidence to the kidnapping charge is suspect, police are taking the matter with the utmost seriousness. The toys have been confiscated and are undergoing thorough inspection.
FPD detectives found handwritten labels tied neatly to the necks of three stuffed animals, reading “frankincense,” “myrrh,” and “gold.”
Two Men and Their Dog, still dressed as three kings, have declined to comment to the Paroder at this time. Fortunately the McIntires can rest easy as a police detail has been assigned to watch over the house and their daughter, Epiphany.