Fauxhasset Paroder, 7th Edition: Foliage photographers must turn over a new leaf

By Sobby Raint-John, Correspondent

Two Men and Their Dog were seen taking pictures outside of Steer Mill School Tuesday afternoon. A concerned citizen called the police, who arrived on the scene shortly after.

Two Men and Their Dog were photographing local trees, as police feared was the case. The suspects were asked to leave the school grounds and the phone that took the pictures was confiscated as evidence.

“Taking pictures of the trees is dangerous,” police told the Fauxhasset Paroder. “According to the bylaw, landscapes are the lowest form of artistic expression. Anyone who would willingly take such pictures is not right for our town.”

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This image may be censored if you are using Fauxhasset public WiFi. Please refer to Photography Bylaw Section A, Clause 1 for more info. Photo credit

Police said they would not relax their standards just because the leaves were changing color for the fall. For artistic censorship to work, enforcement must be consistent, they said. The bylaw also regulates photos of flowers, birds, and sunsets.

With the holidays coming up, police remind Fauxhasset residents that photos of Christmas lights and snow are permitted. However, taking pictures of food is grounds for immediate arrest.

Two Men and Their Dog could not be reached for comment, since police are still holding their phone. The station contacted the Paroder, asking us to please stop calling because the department is getting very tired of hearing Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” playing loudly from the evidence drawer.

However, the Paroder did catch up with the concerned citizen who witnessed the event.

“What if the children had seen them?” said the citizen. “It’s not like the teachers are there to distract them, what with the strike.”

“Our tax dollars pay for a no-landscape education,” said the citizen, “and Two Men and Their Dog could have corrupted the children with their selfish art!”

Her concern is shared by many others in Fauxhasset. The annual Fauxhasset Arts Festival is already inundated with submissions from landscape artists each year, which led to the creation of the bylaw by citizens’ petition at the 2014 Annual Town Meeting.

“We can only pray that none of the children saw Two Men and Their Dog,” commented Police Chief Stephen Quill. “If I have to look at another photograph of a marsh, I swear I’m gonna go jump in one. That’ll give them something to photograph.”

Fauxhasset Paroder Staff Reporter Thamanda Crompson contributed to this report.

 

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