By Thamanda Crompson
Fauxhasset Paroder Staff Reporter
BREAKING: the Fauxhasset Assembly of Chosen finished its regularly scheduled Marathon of Remarks 20 minutes ahead of schedule this week.
Right out of the gate, the absence of any members of the public allowed the Assembly to bypass the public comment period.
Then, the Chosen shaved entire minutes off the clock by condensing its discussion of ongoing parking issues in the village. The topic received a grand total of 10 seconds’ discussion.
“For the last time, the satellite parking lot is for employees, not satellites,” said Town Manager Mown Tanager. “Next topic.”
By the time 8:26 p.m. rolled around, the Chosen were already discussing the renewal of the Town’s Vine business account, a topic that was originally scheduled for 19 minutes later at 8:45 p.m.
The meeting adjourned at 9:20 p.m., 20 minutes earlier than posted. Officials are looking into a possible rift in the space-time continuum that may be to blame for the glitch.