By Thamanda Crompson
Fauxhasset Paroder Staff Reporter
Nov. 4, 2016 – Fauxhasset citizens were outraged this week to find that, following the recent re-paving of the Village, parking spaces had been reduced in width from nine feet to just seven feet wide – barely large enough to accommodate the mid-size 2016 Lexus LX, let alone the latest model of the Cadillac Escalade.
“Everyone in Fauxhasset drives an SUV,” said one frustrated motorist. “You can’t even open your door without hitting someone. I don’t know what those idiots at Town Hall were thinking.”
Those idiots at Town Hall initially tried to pass off the change as an innocent mistake, but sources are now saying that the “error” may have been deliberate subterfuge from within Town Hall itself.
Officials have traced the problem back to the Green and Renewable Energy Group (GREG), which has been prattling on for months about getting electric cars for town employees to use while on the job.
GREG seems to think that replacing gas vehicles with electric ones will have some kind of impact on the inevitable climate-triggered doomsday scheduled for sometime around the year 2100.
“We think GREG is trolling us,” said Town Manager Mown Tanager. “It’s no secret that they want everyone in town to trade in their SUV for a zippy little electric car. And GREG may be right, but that’s a conversation we need to have; they can’t just change the parking stripes.”
Tanager said that the contractor was not at fault after all and issued an apology for blaming him. Officials have looked at the layout plans on file with DPW and found that someone – probably GREG – had tampered with the plans before they were given to the contractor.
This issue is under investigation. Look for more in an upcoming edition of the Fauxhasset Paroder.
In the meantime, residents with large vehicles are advised to park in the satellite parking lot on Unpleasant Street. Contrary to popular perception, this lot is not specially reserved for visiting spacecraft.
This is a parody. Read the original story from the Cohasset Mariner.