After months of people screaming into the void, the void has reportedly started screaming back.
The black hole in the harbor has made a fitting receptacle for the public’s existential despair since it opened in late February. For four months, residents have been screaming their grievances into the singularity, never to be heard by anyone on Earth… or so they thought.
But now the black hole is regurgitating their cries, and not everyone likes what it’s saying.
“…GREG’s always on my case…”
“…JELAMENA-8…”
“…still haven’t made any friends, and Jimmy doesn’t…”
“…proposing to Monica today…”
“REPENT!”
“…Shorty? Shorty, are you…”
“…got to move on Achey Cedars…”
And those are just the confessions. The vortex has also been coughing up tweets, which are well known for their propensity to slip into the void.
Gulped the night
— Tinakali Sümi (@tinakalisumi) January 28, 2017
Lain upon the altar of dreams.
— Guff (@theimmortalgoat) June 20, 2017
Dark clouds gather. We do our best to keep everyone on board. Smooth ruins dotted with cursed pearls.
— a strange voyage (@str_voyage) June 22, 2017
Color the night any way you want to.
— A Murder Of Crows (@TheWellOfSongs) June 18, 2017
sit among the branches of your favourite tree and fall in love
— trajectory unknown (@trajectoryuk) June 20, 2017
“The statements I made to the black hole were made in confidence,” said one resident, who wished to remain anonymous. “This is a violation of confidentiality laws.”
Local attorney David Osiris said that the black hole couldn’t possibly be violating confidentiality laws. No one was paying it for these alleged “therapy sessions,” and therefore there was no physician-patient privilege to uphold.
“People don’t even know if these so-called ‘therapy sessions’ were mutually consensual,” said Osiris. “Maybe the void didn’t want their screams. If anyone has a case here, I’d say it’s the black hole.”
When the anonymous plaintiff heard this, they amended, “Well, at the very least it’s a violation of trust and extremely unfair.”
Oh honey. Welcome to the universe.
Fauxhasset Paroder 